The grip that men have on their traditional identities is a precarious one. The rapidly changing economic environment has stripped men of their role as bread-winner. She is the man now.
It’s no longer good enough to learn how to do something once, at the beginning of your career and expect that skill set to carry you through to retirement. The world is evolving too rapidly to make the set-it and forget-it career strategy viable.
End Of Men
The new winners are those that can adapt to the realities of today and tomorrow the fastest. Recent history clearly shows that women are adapting better than men. This was described by Hanna Rosin in ”End Of Men“, which you can view below.
“Men are the new ball and chain“
Women are outperforming men on several economic fronts. They make up the majority of the workforce, and occupy 50% of managerial positions. Three out of five college graduates are women. In the 15 fastest growing professions, 13 are dominated by women, and they are well represented in professional fields such as medicine, law, accounting, etc.
The long-term phenomenon of middle-economy jobs disappearing and being replaced by information, service, and creative careers has benefited women. Where no heavy lifting is required and the emphasis is on networking, managing, and cultivating creative teams, women thrive. This is exactly what our modern economy is calling for.
Adaptive Man: Oxymoron
It’s difficult to be confronted with the decline of your gender and not wonder if you have committed economic castration by your career choices. How has this happened to men? Surely we can adapt and overcome , now that we are aware of this fundamental power shift?
I feel like I am on the front lines of this estrogen tsunami. My partner is a career military officer, so upon our marriage and decision to have children, I volunteered to be the at-home-carer as I could freely resign, whereas my wife had only 6 weeks maternity leave. It was the logical choice for us. Sure, we could have used childcare and both remained in full-time employment, but we didn’t want to outsource the care of our children.
In the ten years since the birth of our first child, we have had two more children. A little panicked a few years ago about my future career prospects, being out of the workforce loop for so long. I started a master’s degree in financial planning and graduated last May. On paper I am highly educated, but the reality is that I have not had a professional job for a decade.
During this time my wife has continued her career, building professional networks, earned two master’s degrees, and is working on a third. I’ve been leapfrogged! Despite my best efforts to adapt and stay competitive, the reality is that my wife is the economic powerhouse in our family.
Acknowledge And Move-On
It has not been easy for me being a stay-at-home Dad. I did have some economic power and a promising finance career when I chose the path less-travelled. Like most guys, my identity was all wrapped-up in what I did. Societal factors have been a barrier to developing a strong support network.
Now, I openly describe us as a Navy family. We are a team. My wife makes the money, but I’m a critical part of that. As long as the family is moving forward, I am ok with my wife making more money than I do.
This is difficult for many people to comprehend and deal with; it’s simply too different from their model of what reality should be. If the trends outlined above by Hanna Rosin continue to develop, chances are that my reality will become the standard.
I have many friends and neighbors that reflect the “end of men” thesis: women out-earning and out-educating men, and women being the entrepreneurs.
What’s Your Reality?
Are women leading the way financially in your household, and how do you feel about this?
Although my wife does not earn more than me, she is my foundation. She is a RN. She was able to work part time when our kids were young. She followed me to Kansas when I was drafted and found work. She can always have a job.
Your statement is more evident in our children. My daughter is very successful and earns more than most men her age. In fact more than her younger brother.
You and your wife sound like a great team KC. It’s interesting that you earn the high earning capacity of your daughter. In the video above, Hanna Rosin points out that young women are out-earning young men in 98% of the country. Things are changing.
My reality is that I have been the bread-winner for many years now. When Mr. LH and I met, he wanted to pursue an entrepreneurial career in design. I worked, while he built his business. I still earn more than he does, but we work together towards our financial goals. And I have also “leap-frogged” his education. Perhaps this is the future of relationships.
That’s great! My theory is that as long as everyone in the household is moving towards their goals and collectively we’re on-target financially, then we have a sustainable model. When you accept that you are working together it is very liberating.
Yay! My wife is currently earning less money than I do, but soon she’ll be the bread winner. She is a lot more adaptive than I am and she is learning many new skills. I’m a bit stuck and I need to get out of my current career to grow. I think being a stay at home dad for a while is a great option for me. We definitely need to form a stay at home dad/blogger club.
Yes, of course Joe. It really is hard work, especially when little RB4T gets to the play-date stage. For me, this is when the social barriers came into play. Thankfully my kids are bright and are doing great.
I just recently started earning more than my husband, but since all of our money is joint money, neither of us care who makes more – we’re just happy there is more money coming in then there was, lol.
That’s great Crystal. I think that is one of the keys to a happy marriage. It’s a team effort.
We haven’t crossed this bridge yet since we haven’t had kids yet but it is great to read what has worked for others. What I like most about your story is that you two operate like a team. I think this is so important in making a relationship and family work. Thanks for sharing your story.
Thanks Miss T, I a ppreciate your supportive comment.
I loved this article. My hubby and I have a true partnership each working on complimentary activities and bringing a wealth of financial and life attributes to the table!!!
Great, thanks Barb. Yes, It’s interesting the way couples bring complimentary skills to the table. Opposites attract! Earning power is important but can be shared by one or both partners.
I know quite a few young couples in which the woman earns more than the man. In most cases the guy is fine with it. The family team concept is key. Each person does what needs to be done & don’t worry about gender stereotypes. They know what works for them & that’s all that counts. I know of a couple, Mr. & Mrs. XYZ. They refer to themselves as Team XYZ & know that they are strong as a team. It’s great to see that kind of solidarity and mutual respect.
It really must be a team effort, and it’s encouraging to hear that your friends have moved beyond geneder stereotypes.
[...] was reading She Is The Man Now over at Financially Consumed and thought about the history my husband and I have with our money. [...]
Teamwork triumphs! I’m glad you guys found the right balance which is very important in a relationship.
I think we’re in a great place right now, but things are always changing in a relationship. Soon the kids will be needing less of my attention and I will have the option of working full-time. It would be difficult to justify doing nothing at that point. I would never be satisfied contributing less than I could to our relationship. Hopefully blogging will be bringing in mega-bucks by then.
I hadn’t really thought about this much before. I’m not married, but it’s great to see that things are changing. I’m not sure if it’s a generation thing, but I’ve never really given too much consideration into the whole gender roles thing. I like to think that we, as a society, are mostly starting to move past that.
Tell me about it, I’m about to be married to a girl who makes more than me, but it doesn’t bother me that much. I help out too but if she start to act like she’s better then I’d go crazy
The transition from single finances to married finances is massive. It took years to work through things in my experience. My best advice is to talk openly about your money and share your expectations and set goals together. You’ll both do great.
My wife is not doing job right now. I am the only bread earner. Still I don’t think I would have any objection about her earning more than me, it’s basically better for the family, no ego! Sometimes reality differs is different from imagination, and I can only imagine now…
Yes, family first. I’m with you SB.
Interesting article and healthy attitude. I believe your team works so well because you recognize and accept your situation objectively. Lots of men might freak out. It also seems your dynamic is the best one for your family. Inspiring stuff!
Thanks for your support Buck.
So far my in our short career my husband has always out earned me. But my career has more earning potential than his. It is just that I followed him to this city and there isn’t much here in my field. If we move somewhere I could also have a few job options, I can out earn him. I would love to stay at home though
This year with my blog earning I will either out earn him or come very close. He is over the moon about it. He says he married me because he knew he was hopeless with making money lol.
Bottom line, we don’t care who brings what. As long as there is enough and we are happy.
Our bottom line is the same. Our goal is to live a healthy & happy life, no matter where the money comes from.
Great post! I love when you said you chose not to outsource the raising of your children!
Thanks! I like that line too. That’s basically what paid childcare is, without sounding too clinical.
Great article – I love to hear about men -or women who embrace non-traditional roles! I am on the road to making more than Mr.Thriftability and anticipate doing so within the year. My goal is to earn enough each month to cover his salary too, so that I can help him to escape from a job he reallly dislikes. He already edits a few of my blogs, and enabling him to work from home as I do would be the optimal way to go. He commutes an hour each way to work. He’s also the fire Chief for our local fire department (I’m a firefighter/ems provider as well) so it would be excellent if he could work from home and be in district all day for fire calls. Thanks for a great post!
Thanks Lisa. The way you describe your relationship with your husband, you clearly approach life as a team. I suppose what I do is non-traditional, but I think things are changing rapidly, and what I do is becoming more common.
“Women are outperforming men on several economic fronts. They make up the majority of the workforce, and occupy 50% of managerial positions.”
Sorry, not reading anything by a moron who thinks 50% is “outperforming”
It’s not the position, but the trend you should be focusing on.
Make up yer mind?
Past does not predict future, eventhough the trend is your friend. Or is that fiend.
[...] Consumed with She Is The Man Now Me [...]
Its about time too.
Men carried wymynz yolk and drew her wagon for 50k yrs. That’s a lot of credit to pay off.
Time to collect fellas.
Woohoo, grrrl power.
Step up, giddy up and shut up.
I think what has changed in this decade is that women are not only educated, but pursuing a career. In my parents era many women went to college, but graduated, got married and never worked.
Now women are working more and longer hours. Yes, they are making more money, but the by product is men have become more helpful. In my dad’s generation, men did not cook, clean or care for the kids.
Now, men are supposed to be able to pitch in for most of these tasks. Hunter, you definitely do more than most men. However, younger men are now catching up and I plan on being a “helpful husband” when my fiance and I have kids down the road.
Thanks for your perspective Daniel. Traditional gender roles are blurring, I have to agree with you.
[...] Consumed: She Is The Man Now – The grip that men have on their traditional identities is a precarious one. The rapidly [...]
[...] Consumed – She Is The Man Now. Hunter wrote about being a stay-at-home dad while his wife became the main bread winner. [...]
I still see younger couples in the South get married and the girl does all the laundry, cooking, etc. But for most people my age we all do our own laundry, cooking, cleaning and we all have jobs. I can’t see marriage changing that for me…
Thanks for your comment Kellen. It’s interesting to observe the generational changes. Social norms are very different from my parents generation to now, and I expect there will be another leap forward for my children.
[...] Is the Man Now @ Financially Consumed. Hunter wrote about being a stay-at-home dad while his wife became the main bread [...]
Estrogen Tsunami, I like it!
I hope for equality. And even if men aren’t giving birth, that we can get 1 month off for her 3 months off to care for the child.
Best, Sam
1 for 3, hardly seems equitable. I wonder how different the gender landscape will be in another 10 years? I think we’ll see more women ascending to Congressional and CEO levels, and more men playing for the family team.
[...] She Is The Man Now by Financially Consumed. I love manly, hairy women. Don’t you? Plutus finalist for [...]
[...] She Is The Man Now by Financially Consumed. I love manly, hairy women. Don’t you? Plutus finalist for “Best [...]
[...] can read great posts from Hunter like She Is The Man Now and many more @ Financially [...]
[...] [...]
[...] can read great posts from Hunter like She Is The Man Now and many more @ Financially [...]
My wife outearns me and she’s better educated, just finishing up her master’s while I attempted college years ago, but dropped out after my first year. It bothered me at first, but I’m over it, and am very proud of my wife and all of her accomplishments. I know quite a few guys (around my age) who’s wives/girlfriends are better educated and outearn them. My little sister outearns her husband and I have many female cousins that are college educated and earning more than their bfs/husbands. It’s definately true. While I was in college, I could definately see that there were far more women on campus then men.
I’m seeing this more and more too Chris, it’s a very real trend. It definitely takes some psychological adjusting. Men are traditionally brought up to believe that they are going to provide for the family. When it doesn’t work out this way it can be a shock. It took me years to be comfortable with it, maybe I still a way to go. I appreciate your comment.
[...] http://financiallyconsumed.com/wordpress/2011/08/30/she-is-the-man-now/ My good buddy, Hunter, wrote about how women are outpacing men in the workforce. [...]